Aug 20, 2010

Checking in..

Leaving for Philly in 3 weeks to see my best friend married, and meet babe's family. I'm beyond excited.

I realized something today, and it sort of just happened, but after sitting on it for a bit, i kind of realized something major about myself.

I'm a control freak. duh. always have been. I love being in charge, I love doing everything by myself, and I love having control of everything. I've had some internal turmoil recently but couldn't really figure out what it was, or how exactly to put it into words. Adam is gracious and patient with me, and my very strong will to always be the leader. I pretty much have everything planned all the time, and my role (self chosen) has been to direct and lead.

Tonight, without even really thinking about it, all of this turmoil inside came together, and I uttered the words "I don't want to be in charge anymore". In my head I was like "WHY DID YOU JUST SAY THAT?!?! YOU LOVE BEING IN CHARGE!!!" Oops. But i let it sit, and then I said it again. And you know what? It felt really good. I don't want to be in charge. I want to let go of the need to be in control. I want to roll with the punches, and have someone else take the reigns. Not to say I can't have an opinion, or make plans, but I don't want to be in control anymore. How freeing.

We'll see how it goes..

2 comments:

J & C said...

Happy revelation :) I support that completely.

chelsea

lady.shiv said...

That's a really freeing realization to come to.
If I tried to be in control of my life AT ALL in the past six months or so, I would have crashed and burned. Luckily God directs my life better than I ever could. I hope the same works out for you!
I can't wait to see you soooo soon!