Oct 20, 2011

birth(day) rights

My birthday was this past weekend, and for the first time in a really long time I can say that is was totally awesome. I've had good birthday parties, and i've had fun times, but the actual idea of turning another year older, and looking back at your year has been rough for awhile.

When I turned 25 last year I was in a place that wasn't making me happy. I felt unfulfilled, frustrated and stuck. I was in a relationship that I was already unhappy with, but still stayed in for 4 more months. I was living across the country from all my friends, and I had thought I'd be in a completely different place in life by then. (married, kids, settled down) I was disappointed with myself. I told myself that I was tired of being upset by where I was in life and that by the time I turned 26, I wanted to be happy with where I was. Well..I can absolutely say this past year was hard at times, I had a lot of firsts, but through it all I have become completely and utterly in love with my life and the exact place I am in every day.

It started with getting out of that relationship, moving back to place where I was surrounded with people who love and care about me. It took a lot of mental and emotional work to get past wanting a family so bad, but something that really helped was finding something else that I felt I was "made to do". I only ever felt my purpose was to be a mom. That made it hard to feel like anything else was every worth my time. Coming back to Philly, and becoming a store manager for FP really gave me a passion for my career. I absolutely adore my job (as I'm sure if you read my blog you know!) and I feel like it's something that I was meant to do. I feel passion for something that is productive and is growing my life in a wonderful way. This naturally made my feelings about wanting a family subside.

I left Philly with 4 out of 5 of my best friends still single. I came back to 1 out of 5 of my best friends being single. This has been rough, but eye opening. I love each one of them, and know that they are in the best place in their lives. But, I've stopped craving to be in that place too. I don't envy their marriage, or children, or homes. I am so thankful actually that I am not settled down yet. These past few years I've been learning about myself, changing, and growing as a person and I realized I have the rest of my life to settle down, so I want to take advantage of these few short years I have to be single. I'm coming to the height of my young life, and have so many opportunities to take advantage of, and I am so happy about it!I truly feel like my life is an adventure. There is fun around every corner and I love becoming my own person.

This isn't to say I don't want to be in a relationship. When I meet the right person I will gladly enter into that phase of life. But I'm not searching for it anymore and I don't feel like I need it to be happy or fulfilled.

26. A year older, immensely happier, fulfilled, less anxious, more driven and all around better. As people like to say "This is your year".  



3 comments:

Siobhan said...

I am so glad to be your birthday twin, even when our lives are more perpendicular than parallel. This is going to be a good year.

jerseygrl said...

lana that was friggin lovely. well said. kudos to having 'your year'. -maryjo

dexteritydoll said...

oh wow, I'm your 1 out of 5. ha