Little Bear's Story Part I

What culminated on August 2nd 2019 was the end of a long story. This is part one, how it all came to be.

I grew up wanting kids, wanting to be a mom. When I met Rich that all changed. Suddenly nothing I thought I wanted mattered. As long as I got to be with him, every day, I could care less about marriage or kids. We eventually did get married, on our 5 year anniversary. That following Summer in 2017 I had an abnormal pap smear, and was diagnosed with a high risk strain of HPV. Because they don't test for HPV before you're 30, we had no way of knowing how long I had had it. It had grown into lesions on my cervix and they needed to do a colposcopy to do further testing. In the middle of all of that we moved to WA, bought a house and I started my same job but in a new location and I decided to make some changes to my diet in order to best support my hormones and what I thought was my health. I became vegan, gave up caffeine and alcohol. I started taking prenatal vitamins all in an effort to get my body as ready as possible in case we decided to have kids.  It took some time to establish new care after the move and eventually had surgery to remove the lesions over Thanksgiving break. We didn't know how much they would need to take and how that would affect my fertility. I had to go back for regular checkups and in the Spring of 2018 we got the all clear.

We had talked about kids off and on, and both of us felt strongly that we'd be happy with kids and we'd be happy without kids. We didn't FEEL ready, we were happy with our lives. But we also knew if we waited there might not be a chance to have them. So, we decided to start trying. This is early 2018.

We weren't aggressive in our pursuit. We just stopped using contraceptives (I went off any form of hormonal birth control years ago). I also started to track my basal body temperature. Month by month I continued to get my period but they began coming later and later. To the point where I started to think or wonder if I was pregnant. I took a few tests, each with so much hope. I took them in secret, for some reason wanting to hide the hope. I hid the negative results, and continued on. 8 months in we went on a big 2 week trip to Europe with my whole family. The first night there we stayed in London with my brother and then headed up to Scotland where we had our own room for the only night of the 2 week trip. ;) This was mid November.

One quiet Sunday morning (12/9), my period over a week late this time, I slipped out of bed early and took my 6th test. I set it on the counter and forgot about it, at this point just expecting a negative result. I washed my hands and was going to go back to bed but peeked at the test and blinked a few times. I picked it up and couldn't understand what I was seeing. My brain wasn't processing fast enough. It was a different result than I was used to seeing. POSITIVE. I just stood there stunned trying to let my brain catch up. What do I do? Is this real? I was in shock. I walked back into our bedroom and just stood there. Rich sleepily asked if everything was ok (not knowing I had taken that test or any other test before it) I just whispered "I'm pregnant" in total disbelief. We smiled, face-timed my sister, and called my mom. Holy cow, it was happening.

Next up: My pregnancy. Stay tuned!